The Best Fanfiction In The History Of World 11 1 1!
by tanookitoad979
Summary: some guy goes to place land and does stupid crap with some people.
1. Chapter 1:bad link

THE BEST FANFICTION IN THE HISTORY OF PLANET

GOOD MORNING TO YOU! GOOD MORNING TO YOU! WE'RE ALL IN OUR PLACES TIH SUCH SHINY FACES!

SLAM!

Good morning to you to carl #2...

yawn...

I hate mornings.

I pull my comforter off and quickly rush to make some pancakes and check my youtube subscriptions and my miiverse feed.

Oh that's right, you're probably wondering who I am and why you should care about this w̶a̶s̶t̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶ ̶f̶a̶n̶f̶i̶c̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ story anyway.

My name is Carl William Cade or cwc for short. I live I'm a b̶a̶l̶d̶i̶n̶g̶,̶ ̶a̶u̶t̶i̶s̶t̶i̶c̶ ̶m̶i̶d̶d̶l̶e̶,̶ ̶a̶g̶e̶d̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶ thirty year old male going to college for computer sciences and b̶o̶o̶t̶l̶e̶g̶ ̶g̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶d̶e̶s̶i̶g̶n̶ and video game creation. And... that's it, I'm not in a relationship, I'm e̶x̶t̶r̶e̶m̶l̶e̶y̶ ̶"̶s̶p̶e̶c̶i̶a̶l̶"̶ not special, just a normal guy. Eventually I might have a family or a high income job but for right now I'm just normal. Speaking of right now...

I power on my gaming PC (#masterrace) and open google chrome.I check my tumblr, deviantart, youtube, and other social media. Suddenly I see my good friend, who I know in real life, has left a comment on my deviantart post. His name is winston, but I just call him woody... WILD WOODY! As he puts it. Anyway in his comment reads: "recolor fags need to get to really get out" referencing my "recolored" sprite of mario I aptly named, dario the plumber. I don't care as he's usually a prick so I just go along with my day... then I notice an alert on my tumblr page...

"have you joined the pro-femenist movement #saoisbae? It's worth it!" I reply with: NO! SAO IS FOR WEEABOO FAG CUNTS WHO DON'T HAVE FRIENDS! I then turn to my cat who now looks like I just insulted his mother as he cringes in fear, I then start petting him and rambling about weeaboos. Then I get an awful,awful idea... I begin to type "#saoisbae" in the search bar... then I am greeted with a ton of posts from a user named therealkirito, then it hit me that everything I knew about the terrible anime known as sword art online was wrong.

I clicked to go to his tumblr and I read his posts. One contained a link and read: "for all who oppose my revival of the mmo sword art online click the link below." I foolishly clicked and suddenly blacked out, when I woke up I was awestruck...


	2. Chapter 2: the brief awakening

Chatper twooooooo

The place land of stuff

There comes a time in most people's life where they react to someone and they get so disillusioned that they honestly don't care at the time what they do to other people...

I'm just gonna say this is one of those times.

I woke up in a pile of random junk items with my head now pounding as if two pile drivers were hitting it from either side and most of my limbs barely able too move. I attempted to get up, failed, gave up, and began to look around the room I was in... and during those observations I began to slowly realize more and more that... well to put it bluntly, "somethin bout this room aint right".

"Everyone look! He's getting up!"

and now was the time I also realized I was in a room with other "people"

"my god kaito-kun!, who is this guy?!"

"I don't know, he just popped up out of the blue. It was the least kawaii thing all week" said the one I assume to be "kaito-kun"

"what's the boss gonna think of him?"

ok, the better question is when you're gonna get me to a hospital, I'm laying on a pile of scrap metal barely conscious and you're here worrying how "kawaii" I am?!

"you think he's a vocaloid?" asked a female sounding voice.

"no he's too... not perfect" said kaito

I watched the other three fall over suddenly with a strange sweat drop floating near them. I guess I wasn't the only one who couldn't stand up.

"well we can't leave him here" said the first voice I heard.

"yeah you're right... let's take him to the boss' place!" replied kaito.

"n-no... please..." I groaned in pain as my head began to pound more.

"well too bad you're coming with us!" yelled the female one.

now I was not only confused but a bit furious, I wasn't going to put up with some anime wack jobs insulting me,a nd then taking me to some office! I promptly stood up off the ground, taking a few dizzy steps until I actually gained balance and streatched my arms a bit.

"Are you ok sir"

"yeah I guess" I responded stumbling a bit more. "what are your names

It took me a couple seconds to get their names down but I got it. Then in a fit of rage or confusion I promptly ran forward and punched the blonde one (named len) twice across the face... I was then apprehended by two goons with weird hair colors, kaito being the one with blue and gakupo being the one with purple. They grabbed me by both arms and began dragging me away... not before len ran over and punched me back, effectively knocking me out.


	3. Chapter 3: GET TO WORK!

Chateau Tree

GET TO WORK!

"ugh... wha-?"

I woke up, able to get up immediately this time and began to look around again, able to rationally think I began searching for any items I brought with me to this place, I first saw a note on my laptop bag I had with me, it read

"we brought all the stuff we found you with to your room, consider yourself lucky we noticed you had anything in that pile of rubble!"

well in that case I still had my clothes, my laptop and headphones, my smart phone, and a pen.

I reached over for my laptop bag and pulled out my laptop. But before I could power it on I heard a knock on the door.

"sir! We brought you breakfast! Hope you like bento boxes!"

I got up, and opened my room door, standing in front of me were the four "people" from earlier at the scrap heap. One was holding a bento box while the others did the usual generic anime style stuff.

"here you go stranger!" said Kaito

"hey wait a second! What's your name any way?" interjected Len, still angry about my attack.

"my name's Carl William Cade. But you can call me cwc." I responded

"OK cwc! I'm Meiko!, and these are Gakupo, Len, and Kaito! Pleased to meet you!"

"alright, well first things first, I don't eat bento. And secondly... WHERE AM I?"

"you're in the weapon factory of west aincrad!

"factory you say? Well what do you make here?"

"we make weapons for the soldiers of aincrad! Mostly swords though... but today's you're first day so I'll teach you how to make swords!"

"what! no, no you don't understand, I'm not staying here. I need to find a way to get home!"

"well the boss Mrs. Asuna said to put you in the work force as soon as possible!"

"yeah! And if you don't she'll make mince meat out of you! Serves you right for what you did though!"

who do these people think they are? Just because they rescued me doesn't mean I'm gonna hop in and work in some factory! at that moment I was ready to assault one of them again but I tried to remain calm. I got up (with my items all in my laptop bag), yelled out some choice words about the situation, and took off running! I bolted down every dimly lit hallway turn that an exit sign pointed to, with the four in hot pursuit (Len especially hauling ass to catch me) I didn't stop. I pushed every door out of the way like a crazed rhino going on a rampage. That was until Gakupo decided it was high time to sound an emergency alarm. Now I had to weave through hallways, avoid letting them catch up to me and push any guards out of the way... or just make a u-turn if the guards had guns on them. It was intense! Every step I took I felt myself just barely leaping ahead of thees freaks trying to put me in forced labor. Then I began to realize my asthma was kicking in, but I didn't care! I kept running, I wasn't ready for slavery and I had all my stuff practically prepacked into my laptop bag. Plus I was almost to the exit! Just two doors down and I was home free (or at least more free than I would be here.)

then my asthma had enough of being ignored...

I collapsed to the ground. Coughing and hacking every second. I wasn't giving up though, I got up and began speed walking to the exit, just as I pushed the second to last door open though I felt two hands pull me back extremely forcefully.

"no! Please! I have a cat and a job somewhere else! Please!"

"tell it to the judge kid!"

I was thrown back in my room followed by the four vocaloids walking in.

"are you crazy!? you could've died! You're lucky I sounded the alarm!"

yeah, "lucky" well if lucky means being able to work for free then I was more lucky than a leprechaun.

"he's right, plus if you did make it out you'd probably still have Len after you, man he can hold a grudge."

"well like I said, I'm not from around here. And were I'm from we don't take kindly to forced labor."

"well tough shit you gotta work like everyone else, be happy I didn't get you before the guards."

"UGH! Shut up Len! He's probably sorry for punching you!

"fine! We'll let by gones be by gones, but do it again and you'll be sorry!"

"k, whatever dude. Now what do you guys do here again?"

"we make swords! But first, we gotta go find scrap metal..."


End file.
